We’ve all got those family struggles that bring us to a point where we don’t know how to deal with them. If you’ve been through abuse, you’ve probably gotten an extra dose of these situations.
Early on in my healing, I wanted to get revenge. I wanted to make them pay. Anger was my companion, and I soon learned that it was there to propel me further in my healing, not to get revenge.
My Own Family Struggles Taught Me
As I began to go through healing, I started to understand that there was one way I could really win over those that did harm to me. If I healed my life to the fullest and if I became the best version of myself that I could be, then I would win over them.
Believe me, I still run through the thoughts of wanting to do some things but I know the best way I can beat them is by becoming the best version of myself I can be and healing as far as I can go… that will show them!— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) July 19, 2019
Most Don’t Want You To Get Better
Most family struggles and abusive situations have family members that don’t want you to get better. If you do start to heal, it throws their relationship balance off and they have no idea how to operate. When you heal and become all you can, then they struggle to deal with the light of truth that has been illuminated.
I think we can apply this to life in many situations, not just family struggles and abusive families. We’re living in a day and age when it seems everyone is divided against one another. Maybe instead of hoping that somehow others figure life out in the way we see things, we should be focusing on becoming all that we can be.
In society, there are many that want to keep the status quo because that’s how society operates. Unfortunately, while the status quo can be good, often times it covers up the bad.
Anyone who comes along and challenges what many believe is true, often is met with contempt and ridicule.
It doesn’t lead to something better, only a more comfortable place where people feel safe.
Family Struggles Threaten The Status Quo
I believe if more people focused on living life to the fullest, it would make such a difference. If the balance tipped in this direction, the world would be impacted in ways we cannot imagine.
I think we sometimes need challenges to come along and propel us forward from where we are. Too often, it becomes far too easy to sit on our backsides. One who can stand up and challenge things in a family may be a catalyst to push past complacency.
As I wrote in my book about my own family struggles, when I was sick and in the hospital my parents wanted to do all they could to help me get better.
However, once the focus started to shift to their roles in my experiences, they felt threatened. My family disappeared from my life. Their help shifted to blame and ridicule. It shifted to making accusations against others that were not true.
Essentially, they were trying to maintain the familiar status quo. If they allowed anything else, it would shine a light of truth on them. They wanted these secrets to remain hidden forever.
7 Strategies To Deal With Difficult Family Members
- Source: PsychologyToday.com
- Don’t try to fix the difficult person.
- Be present and direct.
- Do encourage difficult people to express themselves.
- Watch for trigger topics.
- Know that some topics are absolutely off-limits.
- It’s not about you – usually.
- Your own well-being comes first.
The Less They Rule Our Lives
We’ve all got our situations and sometimes it is not easy to deal with these moments. The more we can learn from the situations and find ways to take care of ourselves, the further we will travel through them. The more we do this, the less they will rule our lives in conscious and unconscious ways.
Sometimes this means that we need to take measures which are not easy. It often requires courage to begin separating ourselves from that which no longer serves us in our family struggles. If we don’t continue our own growth, then we will become part of the status quo that no longer serves us.
How do you deal with challenging people, whether it is from an abusive past or in your current life?